Thursday, August 30, 2007

ok done. Thats for sherrie. Now its time to blog..

Okay, things are fine at work. Woke up really early this morning for work. Found out sherrie was in school today cuz of her graduation. Susan too! Congratulations Susan! Anyway, i couldn't make it for both of them as i'm stuck in woodlands!

It rain again today! Yup yup, as usual after the registration, i'm practically walking around chit chatting with people. The koreans and the thais have really unique names and we at the registration have difficulties finding their names. However, they are cooperative and hopefully things will be the same tomorrow too. I hop onto the bus to the lunch place at Mt emily again. Well, this time i was suppose to signal them when i'm about to reach. I was talking to the photographer. haha.. The WHOLE ENTIRE journey. I thought i could catch a nap or something. Well, its an experience. After lunch, i manage to take a 5-10mins nap on the bus on the way back to the site.

AND, i was like stoning and walking around again after that. I had nothing to do but stealing their refreshments. haha.. Heard tomorow will be a busy day. And its my last day also, won't be working on sat and sun as i've got H.S and church. yay! Free days.. I really wants to go out.. Hopefully.. I need a break from all projects and i guess its only this weekend i'm free. Alot of my frens are working at comex! But i've no money to buy anything from them. Oh... I'm like aiming for the coming tour fair! okok..its pretty random here. I shall end here..

bye!

* j o y left her prints @ 11:48 PM

Happy Birthday Sherrie!!!

This post is for you dear girl.

I'm sorry to hear what has happen over the phone this evening, but i could hear that you are being very strong. I'm also sorry for not being able to be there on your special day but i'll meet u next week alright? Its your birthday, and i hope i get this post up before 12am. Happy 22nd girl!! It just about to brought me to tears after reading your blog. You've grown up so much and i really thank God for a friend like you too! Lets meet up more ya.. I love you Ms Sherrie Ooi!!

* j o y left her prints @ 11:44 PM

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Had been busy with my projects the past few days. Haiz.. My eye bags are getting heavier.. Looks at me when i'm tired. Its 1.45am at kap mac.

Less than 3 hours of sleep and woke up at 7am. I was late! Jump off from bed and prepare myself to work. "Welcome to the All-new volvo S80 regional media event!"

After reception duty in the morning, I'm stationed at the "hang out @ Mt Emily". Its a nice place i guess... a new pat-tor place. However, its not the right time.

The weather is hot!! I was out in the sun during lunch. HmMm...but its nice to meet different people, talking about their experience. Sometimes its more about just working for money, but its getting the PR or the knowledge about their experience in the real working life.

Look who's cigarretes?

Mine?

Just look at how "unprofessional" i handle that stick. OF course not! Its hongyi's!

* j o y left her prints @ 11:23 PM

Friday, August 24, 2007

Just 1.5hrs of sleep before going to church. I force myself to wake up.. However, i'm glad i did. I enjoy my way to church, blasting music in my car, enjoy the praise and worship, enjoying soaking myself with the word of God and later continue to enjoy my journey back home. Its been a long time since i had sometime for myself. Doing self reflection. But of course not advisable because I'm driving.

I was thinking about my own attitude. How i deal with my anger time after time, especially with my dad. I get aggitated very easily and will always think my dad is always wrong. I need to really look at how i treat my dad sometimes. Sometimes, anger and feeling upset always come together. Whether or not u feel more angry or upset, these 2 always come together.

Sometimes, we'll feel more on the upset side rather then angry. I guess this will be even harder to deal with our own emotions. I'm glad i'm feeling much better now. So what if i did not get my queries cleared, so what if i will never have a chance to ask why this happens, but i guess I'll be mature enough to handle my own emotions.

Can i separate "missing someone" from " being together with that someone"? Can i miss you and do not wish to meet u? Some kind of contradiction. If i manage to do this, perhaps my heart will no longer be the same already. I was talking to hongyi and he enlighten me with some points which i know i can never depend on them. Because it is from him. Haha... anyway i still appreciate those talks with him.

Need some sleep.....

* j o y left her prints @ 11:58 PM

one down. two more to go..

I'm dying. I need some rest. Broke all my records... slpt at 10am this morning. just 2 hours of sleep..

Will catch some rest now before HOF tonight.

Still feeling sickly...

* j o y left her prints @ 3:33 PM

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Feeling feverish...

And i realise I've stop taking pictures of myself. Seems like I've problem finding a picture to replace the current one on my blog.

Feel like arranging my photo album.

* j o y left her prints @ 1:01 AM

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I have decided to push this issue aside. Not that i'm not angry or what-so-ever, but i've choose to listen to the right advice and not let it affect my focus. I thank jiahui for talking to me when i was super heated up yesturday with all the questions and all the "maybes" that crowded in my mind. If ever this is not bothering me, this person is no longer significant in my life anymore. But sadly, he still is.

Met up with sherrie last night for dinner. I have not talk to her for a long time. I appreciate the heart-to-heart talk and also the care and concern over MSN sometimes. We had Sakae for dinner and later we bump into rachael at starbucks. Haha..As usual we had our gossips and its good to meet up with them again. And sherrie, thanks for your encouragements. Though we are busy with our own stuffs, i know you still love me and of course you know i do. Stay strong and will keep your sis in prayers. I'm blessed by your life and may your life continue to be a blessing to others ok?

Was rather sick today and i've decided to stay home tonight. Everybody is like so stressed up.. And hopefully after this month, i can have a short break. Will be working next week, which means extra cash, which means i can shop soon! Yeah!

* j o y left her prints @ 5:42 PM

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The fact that i am being bothered, shouldn't bother me at all.

I wish i was drunk. But i know its not possible.

我是不可能把你忘记的，但是你令我太失望了。

Back to studies.

I've almost completed my ER. And now WIL. Meeting sherrie tomorrow... I miss her alot! Haven't been catching up with her.. And i guess, i really need someone to talk to.. as in a better someone to talk to.

* j o y left her prints @ 4:42 AM

Monday, August 20, 2007

I'm quite irritated by those anonymous taggings. I mean if you have any comments, y not put your name and stop making me guess who you are. I blogged what i feel or maybe somethings i might not say, so you may not even know the real me by just reading my blog.

well, enough of that...

I had a great time in church today though i only had 3 hours of sleep. The conviction was so strong. I'm really glad i've renewed my convictions and stop compromising. Pastor Marion is right. If you do not have God kind of convictions, you should ask God to help you.

I had convictions to attend all church services and cell groups as and when i can. I'll push away all appointments on wed, fri and sun just to honour God. I had conviction not to drink and club. But, i've broken that part of my conviction as i've been to clubs a few times but still staying strong on drinking.

I was brought to tears at the alter call. The times when i give in to my convictions. How i find excuses not to go church on days when i really dun feel like or wanna have a break. Will God give up on me on certain days when he wants to have a break? I guess going church on days when you have nothing to do issn't honouring. Honour Him means choosing to attend services though you have appointments, dates or even times when you just feel its a dread to go, especially for me since i stay so far.

I thank God for providing a car. I can go anywhere i like and going to church becomes much easier. It becomes a blessings to all my friends too and it make it easier for me to bring them to church. Every blessing has its own reason issn't?

Attended Kelvin's birthday celebration last night. Mixed feelings and many queries in my mind. That "sight" will just be embedded in my heart. No questions asked.

Overall, everyone enjoyed themselves. And i enjoyed laughing.

* j o y left her prints @ 12:55 AM

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Your disappointments matters to God

To be frank, theres too much of disappointments recently. I've been like taking it all, one by one and didn't realise it till Pastors spoke right into my heart. I have been emotionally disturbed though I didn't really tell people about it. The main reason was other than God, i do not have anyone to talk to abt my stuffs.

Parents have been quarreling over the last weekends. Things are like quite out of hand now but i jus couldn't help but pray. My mum is considerate enough as she knew that i'm very busy with my school work and didn't want to bother me with the problem. Since i spend very little time at home, i could hardly have a heart-to-heart talk with my mum (like i usually had). Till when she called me on monday night when i was in school doing my assignments, den i knew they were quarreling. Though i'm on the verge of tearing, i held back the tears and tries to harden my heart about this issue, cuz i know once i let this thing affects me, i'll cry and so will my mum. Sometimes i wonder about the disappointments my mum faces, i shouldn't say that my dad is majority at fault, but i guess he should do something. I should say i understand how my mum feel, but i think she is feeling worse than how i expect it to me. Its hard for them, and it affects me too when i don't have someone right to talk to.

I've spoken to hongyi about this, though i know he is not the right one to talk to, but he is the most available one since i see him almost everyday. And at times, i just need to get these out of me to feel better. As my previous blogs mentioned, i've stopped talking about church. Friends are disappointing me a little too much. I'm not the kind will find fault with tiny little things. If i can, i'll go all out to pick them up or send them back. Even when i'm tired, i'll still try my very best to send all of them back even after a late supper. I do not ask for any appreciation from anyone. A seed planted, i just expect it to grow and bear fruits. Its not for me, but for themselves. Time and time, i've sacrifice. Tell myself that i won't repeat the same mistake for neglecting them in the past. I'm trying but i don't see the growth anymore. I don't want to be taken for granted. Somehow it has come to a point that i don't wish to make too much effort anymore. Because i'm disappointed.

Sometimes we may find our "flaws" showing up at the "wrong time". We got angry with God, do things that displeases Him. Then later when you feel empty and realise nothing gets better after doing all these, you came back to God. And the cycle continues. How can we handle disappointments?

First Step, our heart. Whether you want it to grow hard, be broken or tender. When we face disappointments in life, its you that decides how you want your heart to feel. Sometimes i just harden my heart because i'm angry. I know i'm angry and there is a reason. So i choose to be hard. BUT, i realise when i choose to soften my heart, God can show me a better way. He can put his imprints on the things that irritate or disappoints me.

Second step, mind. How strong is our mind? Are you going to blame God for putting all disappointments in your life? Do you believe and have the faith for the better? Are we willing to trust beyond ourselves? A life of simple trust is a blessed life and it sees beyond any obsticles. Some with weak mind allows the devil to lead you on. Yes there may be disappointments in your life, but does that mean you are going to blame God for these? Do you expect smooth sailing life? If my mind was not strong enough, guess i won't be blogging now already.

Third, the Cross. Finding the road to your destination. Its like a lighthouse in our life. Telling us where to find the road. The road may be far, may seems never ending, may seems so different from God's point of view. Disappointments in life may helps us to recognise the bigger picture of pain and suffering. The love of God shows us that God alone bridges Him to us.

Has God forgotten my love life? I've been facing disappointments here and there. Why is it so difficult for someone to love me as i do. From the very first till the very last, no matter how hard i tried to make the best out of me, i don't get what i wan. Will i continue to serve God if my mind issn't strong? I doubt so. My heart aches the most when i see the one i love most issn't with me through my disappointments. My heart aches when i could not do anything to help. Its painful to even think about it.

God sees when i hide in a corner crying to Him. Only He cherish my tears and holds them so dearly to Him. Yet, what can i offer? I can only smile whenever His name is being mentioned. Because He gave me the name "JOY".

* j o y left her prints @ 3:00 AM

Friday, August 17, 2007

Had my haircut yesturday with xinyi. As usual we had our subway lunch at far east shopping centre, catching up with each other about our lives. I'm glad she is doing fine. Hope she will come back to church soon.

I can somehow understand why people don't talk about church to people whom have left. Though they are still praying, i guess they are leaving these people to God. Same here. I've stopped bringing up about church and pray that one day, i will recieve good news from them. If only we pray, God listens and He will intervene.

Did not rest well at night these few days. Kept having dreams. Whether is it good or bad, but it juz keep my mind working and i'm feeling very tired.

I plan to finish my ER essay this week.

I miss travelling...

* j o y left her prints @ 10:01 AM

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Its a big turn up at stacey's and kexin's birthday celebration on sunday. I will always try to make the effort to join the gathering as and when i'm available. Even with the assignments piling up, the few hours doesn't make a difference issn't?

Though most of them were not from our class, its good to see all of them as there were all from shuqun (except justina's bf). The BBQ did not last long as it was raining quite heavily that night but we manage to feed ourselves well, as what most of them say "Make the $10 worth while". Hehe..nevertheless, i enjoyed myself.

Saw zhonghua at west coast mac just now. Was kinda shock as i've not seen him for ages. He is very busy with his church activities (i'm really glad he did). Had a little catch up with him before moving to tong shui for supper. Didn't do anything today. Was not in a mood actually. Meeting xinyi for a haircut tomorrow. I miss her! Its like i'll only see her once every 2 months. Haha... Hope to catch some movies with her soon..

Time to rest well before meeting her. Hope to get kelvin's present tomorrow too. I'm getting my topshop top tomorrow!!

* j o y left her prints @ 12:31 AM

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I miss watching movie. Again.

Simpsons. Rush hour 3.

Employment Relations Essay. 20% done.

Leadership management Essay. 5% done.

Work integrated Essay. 0% done.

And I have decided to go.

* j o y left her prints @ 12:42 PM

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Thats what i need to hear from You.

As much as i feared, you ensure me You still love me.

So I lift my eyes to You Lord

In Your strength will i break through Lord

Touch me now, let Your love fall down on me

i know Your love dispels of my fears

Through the storm i will hold on Lord

And by faith i will hold on Lord

Then i'll see beyond my calvery one day

And i will be complete in You.

* j o y left her prints @ 3:14 PM

Just got back from Church. Had a good rest last night but still, the weather is killing me.

Bored....

And i'm going out to do project soon. And tonight will be having a mini gathering with the secondary school peeps. BBQ at stacey's place.

Deadlines are drawing near. I'm stress, jaecia is stress and so does everyone. I think the marketing people more stress, they have 4 due dates this month. I'm really praying for the strength and guidance for my essay. I really need ideas, real good ones for my essay. 40% for my ER essay which is very high!

I think i'll voice out to my parents that i should just take a break from work. My mum is willing to sponsor me $500 a month for my pocket money and hopefully taking up some tuition or waitressing job, hopefully i'll be able to survive and manage to save some money for another trip end of this year. Its getting pretty annoying with my dad complaining every now and then when i can't make it to work.

So..... Shall continue to pray hard.... work hard.....and play hard.....

* j o y left her prints @ 2:50 PM

Friday, August 10, 2007

Somehow its getting into my nerves and i wouldn't care anymore.

Its getting pretty overbroad and i think I've done what i should do and i've cared enough. But, the response ain't pleasing and i guess i should let this rest for awhile before a heated arguement will come along.

I have my own stuffs to do, my own projects and assignments yet i'm still trying my best to be there. It may not be the best, but i tried my best. Hai, pretty disappointed and annoying..

Worship at HOF was great. The message was great. God made all of us special, identifiable by DNA. Everyone of us are unique and He loves us the way we are. He loves us as much as or even more than our parents love us. Issn't that great? I teared. As the song sings "I will be complete in you." The flaws i have, the imperfection, i will only be complete because of God. I can do all the impossible just because He is with me. The fears and the unstability, its the love of the Lord that covers all my fears. I may not look like it, but there are many times of fears. Too many too many. The only driving force is to have faith and believe the promise.

Just recieve a news. I'm in a dilema. Should i go, should i not. There will be many reasons why i should not go, but will only be one reason why i would want to go.

* j o y left her prints @ 11:26 PM

Thursday, August 9, 2007

seems like a sunday to me.. And i shopped! Last birthday present from my brother (courtesy of my dad). My long awaited denim jacket from zara!!

And i just love the buttons.

I'm tired. Don't know why. But Happy National Day everyone!

* j o y left her prints @ 11:30 PM

Happy National Day!!

Actually wanted to go out, but decided to rest tonight as i got a slight headache. Lesson today was boring plus i wasn't feeling very well, so it added on to it. Met jaecia to get the ER book from her. Finally, i can really start on my ER essay. But before that i still have LM and WIL essay to do. Argh...I'm running out of time. But i believe rest is still needed or rather some entertainment is still needed. Everyone is partying tonight or having their own programs. Its quite tempting to go KTV with jaecia n gang, but i've stopped myself, for the better of the next few weeks. =(

Hope to have a good breakfast with my family tomorrow before proceeding with my project. Its been sometime since we really go out for a meal. Hehe... My skin is peeling (i hope) because the skin on my shoulder feel so rough.

Dear girl..

I hope you will feel better. Though i don't exactly know what happen to you, but do let me know if you need someone to talk to. You don't need to have alot of friends, even there is none, you still have God. Be strong k? Though we are busy with our own agenda, do remember me as your friend. Cheer up and hope to see you soon. Love ya..

* j o y left her prints @ 2:38 AM

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

周杰轮-不能说的秘密

刚和sandy & Alvin看了这部戏。虽然我最想和他看的人不在我身旁，但我还是很enjoy这部戏。甜甜的，酸酸的。我不介意再看多一次。

这几天情绪不是很好。也不知为何。希望明天会更好。

* j o y left her prints @ 12:39 AM

Monday, August 6, 2007

好累哦。。。

今天差一点起不来。我还是很burnt! 哈哈！Mummy 又到马来西亚去了

这几天的天气真热。哪里都不想去。不是因为我的脸，我也不会老远的从jurong跑到marina square的body shop买东西。yingying在那里做工，所以有折扣。哈哈！谢啦！吃过晚餐后，没设么事情做，就到ikea走走。老实说，ikea有很多我和他的回忆。但是，决定要坚强面对每一间事情的我还是带着笑容走完整座大厦。

过后，和几个朋友一起喝茶聊天。这个星期四是national day。很想出去玩。但是有作业要做。我好想看电影。已经很久没有看电影了。最近有一部电影 “不能说的秘密”。好想去看。我看我因该学会自己独立了。

有一点头痛。不知道是不是赛到的。HMMM...昨天和huiyee聊了聊，觉得自己和她一样。也许很快我就可以离开这里了。可能我一离开，事情就会有所改变。

我好想念那时候的我。

又到开始工作的时候了。加油吧！

* j o y left her prints @ 2:04 PM

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Slept early last night. And i thank God for the rest. I really need good rest before i go all out for 3 assignments due end of this month.

Went to church today. I admit there are sometimes when my mind will be wondering during service. But today i really enjoy myself worshipping in church.

There will be times of trouble, times for me being emotional and also times when i feel really happy. But certain happiness is not replaceable. I'm looking forward for a new life. I want to see new opportunities to do something different for God. I see how my mum do her best for the Lord even though she is busy taking care of the business in KL. Be it being a testimony witnessing to her sisters or their friends, she always do her best to help them.

"Thank you for giving to the Lord. I am so glad you gave."

* j o y left her prints @ 3:24 PM

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I miss watching movies.

因为这是不能说的秘密。

* j o y left her prints @ 9:34 PM

The start of the day.

Joy cheng and Joy koh

We went to wake & bake at Pasir Ris Park yesturday. It was fun! We were the typical "kiasu" singaporeans who arrived at 8.45am. Anyway, we were ASKED to arrive early. Our numbers : 007 & 008.

Boat number 05. We took our own sweet time to put our stuffs in the car. While the whole team were looking for 007 & 008. Haha... And off we went.. our 1st wakeboarding session.

Me and my clumsiness.

I didn't manage to stand. =( Nevertheless, i enjoyed my 20-25mins of trial. Its an expensive sport anyway.. But i'm being warned by susan that I'll get addicted. Ok.. I'll try again when i gt the extra cash. hehe.. Heard from zhiwei we can play any sea sports at bintan for just 70 bucks. I'm going for it during my holidays!

On our way back to shore.

The journey back is excellant. The breeze, the wind and the company. But, the scorching sun somehow didn't make it perfect. I can really feel the after effect now. Both my arms are numb.

Met jinquan and his friends back at the shore. Had lunch before he insisted to take my camera around snapping shots. Almost half of them are his photos! Joy and myself kept hiding from the cameras as we thought we took too many photos of us. haha.. They made 2 new girl friends there. Friendly hor?

Manage to snap some random shots of the place. There's a few kelongs nearby and manage to snap 1 of them on the way back.

The organisers chinying and hongyi, and my friends Joy and jinquan.

I am so burnt! The aloe vera issn't helping. Oh... So painful! And, i realise there is 1 small bottle of sun block lotion in the goodie bag. And joy and myself didn't realise it. Because the packaging is so misleading!

what do you think it is?! We didn't dare to open it up till zhiwei was looking at my goodie bag and he open it. MY SUNBLOCK!

We shouldn't be so burnt now. Because we call this event "WAKE AND BLOCK". haha...

Lastly, Happy Birthday Susan & Caijun!

* j o y left her prints @ 12:11 PM

Friday, August 3, 2007

Celebrated Michelle's 3 year old daughter, Jasmine's birthday on sunday. It was like a mini gathering with a few shuqun people over at her place. Watched Musical High school there and we practically hooked onto the show. Too bad, i couldn't take a picture of jasmine, but her sister pearl is much friendlier. haha.. p/s: The song "there was me and you" is really nice. From Musical High school. I love it!

Had to rush to school today after my work. 2 containers to unload today. Poor salesmen. Anyway, i manage to meet my project mates but did not discuss much as we do not have any idea what to do. Sigh... This semester is really draining all of us out. We ordered KFC delivery before our investment class at night. Con was cute today. He wore the funny specs which was the topic of the day. Even sharleen and jiahui were joking about it. Lets take a look at Con....

Me and Jezlin

Good night people.

* j o y left her prints @ 12:06 AM

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Was wondering it all along, but didn't dare to confirm till my friend was telling me that i could put my laptop in it...then *snap* i know why i got this for my birthday. I guess it happens to me all along. I knew the reason, the answer but i just didn't have the guts to believe i'm right. Because i am afraid to be wrong.

Today's lesson was funny. Though it was a small class, but i guess it was better. Probably i should start attending afternoon class. Work tomorrow morning, project meeting in the afternoon and investments class at night. Hopefully i have the strength and won't feel so tired.

Lesser time to meet the girls as they will all be busy with their projects. Had huiyee with me on sunday at west coast mac, rushing through our projects. Haha... I think she can join our study group soon. I wish all poly students all the best for your projects and tests. Will keep you people in my prayers.. God bless.

* j o y left her prints @ 2:03 AM