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The year 2007 hasn't been a good year for me. This year just went pass too quickly and too torturing. I couldn't hide my emotions although many times i tell myself i have to do so. Bringing up a brave front, strong front was what i have been doing most of the time, but deep inside my heart was shattered pieces.

1st christmas eve was worse than expected without him. Its the 1st Christmas celebration without him by my side. It felt even worse after reading that comment and realise probably he had celebrated that special day with someone else. It seems somehow true when that sms was not replied. My heart still ache after so many years. I wonder how, i wonder why. But i will never ask why and i will never wanted an answer. I have began to fear of being rejected that i would not want to see a reply. I have never expect it to happen. Never because i trust you so much for whatever reasons you have given me. Yet again, I'll not blame anyone for it. I'll quietly leave and give you the blessings.

Its tearing up my heart. How i wish i wouldn't got to know it, wouldn't got to read it. But i believe through God's grace i'll be better. Because i've did whatever i can and i've prayed. Yes it hurts me all along, but it has never hurt me so deeply as this.

Still, i want to give God all the glory. Though my year didn't end off well, still i hope for a better 2008. It will never be the same. Never.

And to xiaoli, it brought tears to my eyes after reading your blog. I knew it hurts but you can never face everything by yourself. You will not take it one day. Don't let the people who love you worry for you too. I hope you will meet up with me one day.

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Finally, I get my hair done yesturday. Hehez... Introduced joleen to the salon. I'm glad she is satisfied with the color and i think my hairstylist is getting more and more cranky. Xinyi! where are you! We should go down together one day. hehez...

I sat there for 3.5 hrs. I'm satisfied with the color too. But i'll need to go back 1 more time before chinese new year for a hair cut. We waited till 9 plus than we had our dinner. Poor hongyi, got to eat his first meal of the day at 9 plus. He went for a haircut too at far east. Haha.. Zhiwei is so nice to meet joleen for dinner in town with us.

After our haircut!

I'm looking forward to tonight's HOF with HOF band and yellowren. Though they are not casting crowns, but i still feel the excitment. I couldn't get out of my bed this morning. Feeling really tired these few days. I hope i can get enough rest over the weekends.

Hmmm...Guess i'll give the new andy lau show a miss this time. And this christmas will be another quiet christmas.

Christmas issn't christmas, till it happens in your heart. Somewhere deep inside you its where christmas really starts.

I love this effect. very random. I know. I'll meet u soon sherrie.

* j o y left her prints @ 11:08 AM

Went back to school yesturday for re-enrolment. Its good to see all of them again. Especially those that i don't usually meet during holidays. However, many of them didn't turn up because of work. Well.. I've decided on the 4 modules that i'm gonna take next semester, WHICH IS TOUGH! Good to hear most of them cleared all their modules.

Shopping at vivo after school. Met sherrie, carine, mayfen and melissa. But...none of them buy anything. Spent abt $100 yesturday on esprit and forever21. Think i have to stop spending as i'm going to dye my hair tomorrow. keep spending.... Oh ya..watched The kingdom yesturday. cool... But the seats at vivo sux. I'll never wanna watch at vivo, unless its gold class. Haha.. I wanna watch enchanted..

I'm excited. Don't know what color to dye. Have been very cold these few days. Really very cold. Did some catch up with hongyi after the movie last night.. He also has his own problems. But i'm glad sometimes by hanging out, we'll not think so much. And i thank God for taking away the hurt, at least for yesturday.

Work hard, pray hard and play hard. Thats what i want to accomplish this december.

* j o y left her prints @ 12:19 PM

Good morning! God is good issn't? Its good to have His word in the morning before starting work. I'm blessed. Truely blessed.

Couple of days ago, I was searching for something which lead me across a big box which i contain all my letters and cards. Knowing what is inside, i still open up the box. There is the white Christmas TY bear lying in it. It is still white as snow. I've never taken that bear out. Besides that, the round candles are still new. Well, i believe that small bottle of love seeds is still inside however i dared not look further. Out of curiousity again, i read one of the letters. It was in a white hallmark envelope with a 40cents stamp on it. Stupid of me to do that issn't? My heart sank once again, reading the letter and i realise perhaps all along i had lead myself into this mess. It is not a total "2-way-thing". It hurts though.. But i still can't help to be soft. Why? Is there a purpose?

I miss the happy times during Christmas. Somehow everything has changed. Things have became awkward. I don't want it to be like that. But still, I'm still praying. This is not my priority anymore. I just pray for the best Christmas gift this year. I just wish for one and only gift from God this year.

My brother is enlisting on the 14 Jan 2008. Poor eric... hahaz... Anyway its a good training for him. It will be tough though, cuz he is VERY pampered by us.



* j o y left her prints @ 9:49 AM

yup yup! I've spent the entire weekend pampering myself. Since i was back earlier than i've expected and i did not make any plans (ya rite, like i always hav), I rest well, sleep well and enjoy well.

Had last minute meet up with jiahui on friday itself after i came back from Rompin, Malaysia. Manage to catch up with her abit and i'm glad she did well this semester. Praise God. Initially she was afraid she couldn't make it as she was busy doing church stuff but she did better than expected. Told you, God never fail those who serve Him with all their hearts. Rent a new korean serial from TS jurong point.

Back to work on saturday morning. Didn't know my plans for that day, therefore prepare myself to drive to town. Had lunch with alvin after his work and decided to continue my shopping without him. Since my hair stylist wasn't available, i went to mani and pedi. Haha... I had crystals on my little toe. Anyway, control myself from buying anything on impulse as i'll be heading to thailand next week. Went muji to get some goodies before going back home.

Church was good. Its really a priviledge to serve Him. I was refreshed and revived after the camp. Was truely blessed by what Pastor preached on sunday. Total victory. We can only get total victory from the Lord. Even at times of trials, only through HIM we can gain strength. =). Went expo for awhile and get a pillow. A good one i should say. Spent $88 for that pillow. Alright, you could say i sleep alot thats y i need a good pillow. But to me, its very important as i spent 1/3 of my day slping. hehez....... So ya...so much of pampering myself. I need to stop spending.

Talking abt stop spending, I'm planning to dye my hair later and going to esprit tomorrow after re-enrolment. Will do some catch up with hongyi tomorrow and meeting the girls for shopping!

I've did whatever i can. I've said whatever i should. Now, it all depends on you because I know God has already open up His arms awaiting for His child to come back.

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Was blessed last night by the sharing of the POR 4 experience to Davao city. I can't help but to hold back my tears when Jerry shared. I would want to go for this experience, if i have the opportunity in the future.

Sick. Handling people is so tiring. I don't wish to elaborate, but sometimes i just don't wish to talk abt all these. If i have offended anyone, i'm sorry. I just don't wish to say because it will make it worse.

Yet, i thank God for everything. Because only when you are stretched, your faith is tested. And i'm encouraged... yup.. in a way..

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