I have been all along living in fear. Though i know i have a God who will take away all fears, yet I'm still living with fear. Fear of the uncertainties, the tomorrow. Fear of not getting a good life parter, fear of diseases, fear of work, fear of not getting good results, fear of people, basically fear of everything. My brother refuses to go 2 church recently and we simply don't know why. Tried talking to him, but he refuses to share. Is it jus a transition period? His "for a period of time" might jus seems "forever". I fear. I fear this will be the 2nd lost, lost of a very close one, for Christ.

Yet, Sunday's message speaks right into my heart. The message was about fear. It reminded me of the faithful God. I miss spending time with HIM, i miss worshipping Him. I've not been doing my quiet time recently due to my late nights. Missed few G12 sessions. I miss the sense of peace HE use to give me when i read HIS word and listens to HIS songs. I went back to listening to casting crowns this afternoon. I watched interview with casting crowns on the youtube. One of their songs "slow fade". It always is a slow fade away, yourself and God, till you did not realise. And you will drift very far away and will not realise it because you are getting so use to it.

submitted OTD project today. Again, reached school at 8.30am to print our project. Its tiring. Projects are slowly killing me. We stayed up the whole night editting and finalising the last part. And tomorrow, i'll hav to start studying for this sat's marketing test. I need to be more discipline 2 go for lesson. Have been skipping majority of them.

I'm refraining from hearing about what he is doing and how he is. I guess it will be a good choice. No matter how much i wants to know, I choose not to. And i guess my loyal fan should know and she choose not to tell me too. Yet, what ever it is, if he is attending the same church as u now, i'll be happy for him too. From the depths of my heart. However, this can remain unspoken.

I need a good rest before i'll be the next to fall sick.

* j o y left her prints @ 1:03 AM

I can't even feel my legs when i reach home. And hongyi was right. This morning was worse. I couldn't even walk properly. ArgH! I'm tired. Its time to sleep.

Happy and blessed Easter Day everyone!!

* j o y left her prints @ 1:26 AM

After the tremors of SM, its really a time to rest and relax. I did relax, however i didn't rest much.



Went to watch the leap years with jiahui and hongyi. It was kinda last minute though, but the movie was good. I wanted to watch it long ago, since it first launch. =) Good story, good cast. Though its abit too real to be true, but it somehow touched me. Thought i wouldn't tear.. But it reminds me of how much i wanted to make someone smile, and that smile would make my day. Go catch it if you've not!

Went to work on friday b4 heading down to church. I was late again and i'm damn pissed. Well.. I miss the entire drama. Anyway, had a good talk with my aunt over the phone at church. I'm glad that my aunt is willing to help my parents in their business this time as i've got to concentrate on my studies. Will be working outside after i graduate and i do want to do something that i like, something that i desire..



Met jiayi and xiaoli after church. Haven't met them for a long long time. Though yingying suddenly pull out, we decided to meet still. The crowd was quite unusual (that was what they say), and they simply blame it on me.=(
However, had a great time with them and suppering with hongyi b4 going home.



Woke up without anyone at home. Aunt went back today and i'm really grateful this week when she was here. We had home cooked food. Met jiahui in town to get hongyi's present and off i went to meet the guys for dinner at newton circus and not forgetting dessert at Rochor tao huay.

其实一之以来，我都以为爱一个人只是需要全心全意。但原来都不简单。如果我有得选，我宁愿一切在五年前停止。把那个完美的他留在我心里。

现在我才了解，其实爱不止是那么单纯。虽然经历不多，看的也不多，但听的多了。我不会逼我自己忘了他，因为我越想这么做，我越是办不到。他比我早找到一个可以让他忘了我的她，我也就耐心的等待一个可以让我忘记他的人。

Which is mine?

我已剪短我的发剪断了牵挂

剪一地不被爱的分岔

长长短短短短长长

一寸一寸在挣扎

我已剪短我的发剪断了惩罚

剪一地伤透我的尴尬

反反覆覆清清楚楚

一刀两断你的情话你的谎话

* j o y left her prints @ 3:27 AM

Finally. SM is over and done with. Its quite a torture actually to do SM and i'm glad its over. Very tiring. I guess its the worse project ever. Almost 2 weeks of late night.

Phew...finally its time to enjoy before starting OTD project. Parents not in town. And i took up the responsibility of driving my brother around. And i realise how spoilt can my brother be.. Total speechless!!

Going for a haircut later. A new look, hopefully.

I've yet to get over things. It still bothers me quite abit. Probably i've yet to recover from that "shock". But i'm trying....very hard indeed.

* j o y left her prints @ 3:37 PM

Its Terrible. Once again, my sleeping time is back to the abnormal time again. SM project is killing everyone. The analysis part, the writing, the case study...Now i understand y jaecia need 1 whole month to do this stupid project. It seems that I've got no life now. The moment i woke up, its SM. Before i slp, its SM.

I miss going out. I miss shopping. Hehe... I fast for shopping..and i feel good. My brother is getting his results later. pray for him. Hope he can do well... =)

Nothing much to blog anyway. If i go on, it will b just complains. I have IF test on mon and SM submission on wed. Oh... My aunt will be coming over next week while my parents will b going china again. I'm really excited..cuz I'll get to eat home cook food. I am getting sick of canteen food. Argh....

* j o y left her prints @ 6:47 AM