Am i trying too hard to convince myself that i can do it, no longer being very bothered by the issue? Had a long talk with cindiie yesturday and it knock right straight into my mind. Have i been trying to convince myself that i'm capable even during this short period of time? By diverting my attention far too much that somehow its no longer me? Well.. I'm tired of trying. It just pissed me off sometimes for what i've becoming now. I don't really like myself now.

I want to find myself back. And it means finding the soft bee back. Do i still wants to be soft? With all the things that have happen so far, would i be able to accept if i would to see it with my own eyes? I don't want. I really don't want to know. Yes, you may say i'm escaping away from the reality, but don't you think its too cruel? I hate you for hurting me, yet I don't hate you. I am contradicting myself. Well, its has always been...

This saturday is the recruitment. If its God's will for me to go, I'll go. And i'm dying to go.

* j o y left her prints @ 10:52 PM