well well well.. I know sometimes i'm taking the freedom i have for granted. Everyone do make mistakes right? I hate it when people start to doubt me (when its not true) and i take it very seriously when people start to comment about me and it bothers me alot about how people look at me. Yes, i may be playful. Yes i may want to enjoy. But that doesn't mean I'm changed. Alright alright, i admit there is a little change in me, but i still stick to my beliefs.


Had a bad night last night before i went out. It was the worse night out ever. Ya probably its because of the recent festive seasons and the celebrations that i've been staying out late but like what hongyi said, if i were to think that its just these few weeks, i can don't bother what my parents say. BUT BUT BUT...unfortunately, it matters to me on how they are seeing things and how they look at me. I hate this kind of feeling. And... sometimes they can be quite childish by just looking at one thing to make decisions.


Another thought, they can be right. Perhaps i've been diversifying my attention a little too much and that hav probably steal my focus on God unintentionally. Yesturday's message was really good. Its good to be back to HOF again as i've been travelling to KL quite often during the vacation. There are a few doubts and thoughts in my mind that i've yet to sort out. I'm afraid that its just me and its not from God. Its difficult to press on to what i thought was a promise from God. Should i press on or should i not? Was it just me or was it from God?


I went to visit a patient last week in KL. He was my mum's friend in the past and have lost contact for years. He was diagnose with diabeties and had 1 leg amputated. When i visit him, he still look afresh but he told us his other leg has to be amputated as blood couldn't flow through. He has a very good family background in the past but he didn't cherish his family. He had 3 wives and 6 children, but none of them had good r/ship with him. The days he was admitted to hospital, none of his children came to visit him. He had no home and stays in the elderly home. A man who is in his 50s has no wives, no children with him during his difficult time.

Perhaps it was his foolishness that cause him to be in this situation. His unfaithfulness, playfulness and many more. Perhaps his children are not willing to forgive what he had done in the past. At this age, he suffers alone, without the encouragement of his family members. No matter how rich or how well doing you were in the past, but your own family is in your own hands. He jus wept when my mum and her friend visit him. He was desperate for prayers and wept when my mum and her friend prayed for him. And now, he has gone home to be with the Lord. It was sudden as he jus spoken to us barely a week ago and i believe he left with lots of regrets in his life. I believe his family was not with him at his last hour.

How sad can it be? I saw him once. Just once and it taught me to cherish my family, and to be careful not to do anything that will cause regrets in life. Its not how well you start, but how well you end. It will never be too late to say sorry, to turn back.

Above all, i still thank God for my parents. They freak me off some of the time (i mean it, just some of the time) but they never fail to shower love for me and i know it all along. I thank God for helping me through too, though some of the times i question, i get frustrated, but He never fails to console me and lighten my tenseness whenever i thought of Him.

And....... i have a very long talk with alvin just now while we are having our lunch. I'm very excited to do what i wanted to do all along. True, I shouldn't always day dream and no actions taken. I want to earn some pocket money and hopefully and prayerfully earn my air ticket to somewhere(which i've no idea where i wanna go) this june. Well, hopefully its not a 5-minute-hot thing.

Way to go Bee Bee...jiayou bah!

* j o y left her prints @ 1:22 PM