I was walking to singpost to pay my summon when a thought came to my mind. I'm contented with what i have. But am i contented with who i am?

Yet when i was back to the office, i logged onto facebook and saw a friend attached and my cousin's bf had proposed on her birthday. How sweet. I told myself and everyone that i'm glad that i am single now as i have the freedom i want. But sometimes, i just couldn't convince myself.. I prayed every night that God will give me the strength & courage to go through everyday and to comfort me & assure me that the best will come.

I am not desperate. I too don't want to step into another wrong r/s or be in "grey" period with someone again. I don't think i can handle such emotions again. Path will only get tougher each day as we grow up. If i insist in going in my own way, i doubt i can handle the outcomes.

Its difficult to find someone you love and at the same time loves you back. Love breaks your heart, yet it can also mend your wounds. I had a long talk with alvin & xiaoli on friday. I didn't expect myself talking on behalf of alvin. But i think i truely understand how he feels, why he would want to make things so ugly. This is the way to protect yourself, to protect that little heart of yours from getting hurt again.

Seriously, i'm not happy with who i am now? There's alot of things that i've did to make me feel better, temporary. I miss the old me, having the desire for souls. I do not have the courage even to speak about God infront of my friends. I'm trying to get back to my quiet time every night and not finding excuses for not praying because i'm tired.



* j o y left her prints @ 12:05 PM