Happy birthday my dear sherrie. Celebrated her birthday at modesto last night. I give myself 2 hours off from study just to be there for her on this special day. Hehe... I love you sherrie! We'll meet up to talk soon.

I was quite emo-emo this morning during service when pastor marion speaks about rapture. A sudden thought of the good old days in church where everyone is serving God faithfully. My prayer for them slowly came to a stop. Friends around me are drifting apart.. and i feel really sad for them. The thoughts of the past church camps, the amazing races, the gathering after heart.sports, the hang out after church. I miss those good old days @ SCGS. Back then, we're still so naive, so pure. When we grow up, our mind slowly fill with the things of the cruel world.. more responsibilities.. more uncertainties..

I was convicted. I want and need to get back to praying for them. Its only through prayer that my heart will continue to be soft for people. Thinking back, how much i was willing to do for them just to get them back to God. I feel so ashamed now. I don't even dare to speak up to them or rather ask them to come to church. Afraid of being rejected, i choose to bypass those opportunities. When Pastor Marion prayed for Zach and Lionel just now, tears just welled up. Someone whom was so inspired by the holy spirit can leave God.. Singing the songs that Zach wrote "I pray" and "cover me", the lyrics touched my heart.

Many things have happened in this 1 year plus. Mindset has changed, lifestyle has changed. I am starting afresh without him. My consistent prayer and persistent effort failed after so long. I am not sure if i will give him a smile when i see him on the streets. The "act-as-though-we-don't-know-each-other" sucks. From full of anger... to "because we've not been talking, so be it" kind of feeling. However, i really hope he will come back and serve God once again. Because only God can give you the true happiness. Even if i may not know when is the day or will not be there to witness it, but i will be smiling and be happy for you.

* j o y left her prints @ 2:38 PM