It was only recently that i realise how "unprepared" i am for things that are most prob to happen when i start working, when i start to meet more people. A little scolding or a little unpleasant words that people say can push my moral down and cause me to ponder and be bothered about it the entire day. Not only that, i can never hide my emotions. Never.

Had quite a long talk just now while studying. How i wish i can do it. Somethings that i should have done long time ago, but worried that i might not be able to take it. Not that i have gotten over the entire thing, not that i am really ready to start a conversation and be the "man", but i think it has dragged way too long and the akwardness does cause uneasiness among the group. Which i do not wish to.. Yup, there are questions that are not answered and i do not wish to know the answers. But hongyi was right. It has dragged way too long that there is no point bringing up the entire thing just to close the chapter nicely. But as i was saying, whatever i did was just to protect myself.

If i could control myself, it could just have ended 5 years ago. It boils down to how emotional i am. Literally allowing the feelings and emotions rule me. But of course, i too wish i could act as if nothing has happened. I really hope so.

I don't want anything to affect the state of my emotions now. Because i feel i'm doing fine. Seeing friends suffering because of relationships does reminds me of the past. And i'm glad i'm out of it. well...hopefully one day i will have the courage, to be the man!!!

Yup, just to side track. I think the boys are not treating me as a girl anymore. And the worse thing is, they literally tell me straight to my face. Grrrr.....And.... Y all taiwan hotels do not have 2 single beds in a double room. Y are all double beds!! But... i'm still looking forward to the trip! Just that i don't really like the idea of sharing a bed with someone. Its not a chalet!! I need good sleep!!

Studies have been on schedule. Everyday a chapter. Enjoyed my dinner with the girls tonight. Trina!!! better send me the photo soon!

* j o y left her prints @ 5:24 AM